We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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