just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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