just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
