Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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