So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
