I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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