i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
