Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
