He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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