my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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