I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
