i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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