My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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