its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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