if only i could text you this smell
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
