you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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