I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
