i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
