i permit you to call me
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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