It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
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