Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
