i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
