After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
