um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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