is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
