Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dignity is for republicans.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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