Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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