I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
