How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
and you fell through a lawn chair
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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