Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Alive.
So much puke
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
