I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
