yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
