Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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