I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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