Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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