I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
