i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
