Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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