I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
