Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
