I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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