Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My life is pants optional.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
