New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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