I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
