Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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