I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
