I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
