Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
