Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
