Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
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