Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
