how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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