The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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