I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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