got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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