Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
