You just made me feel so damn special
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
