i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
